Overwhelmed

No warnings or words of wisdom could have prepared us for what life is like with a newborn. Yes, Mr. Boy is 3 months old now, but he is gestationally 3 weeks old and that is the reality in which he lives and operates. The sleepless nights took a toll on our nerves and attitudes, and when you are utterly exhausted and defeated, being nice to each other is the last thing you want to do. We found ourselves living in fear of the next ear-piercing cry and dreading diaper changes because his medical device never stuck. They sent us home with a month's supply of medical products and we busted through those in our first week home because Mr. Boy's anatomy is different from most and even the Dr admitted that we would have many extra challenges. Changing the medical devices is a nightmare for us and many tears were shed from both Mr. Boy's eyes and mine during those moments. I gave up breast feeding because he hates it and is already so used to the bottle, so I continue to pump and bottle him instead, which was upsetting to decide. We already had 5 appointments with doctors and I decided during those times that I may never leave the house with this child unless forced to do so for Dr appointments. The freezing weather doesn't help travel either. 3 days ago Mr. Boy began throwing up everything he ate and having diarrhea...needless to say, that was was not fun for anyone. By the end of this week we were ready to beg the hospital to take us back. We felt so unprepared to care for Mr. Boy's  needs and were at our wit's end. I think we can honestly say, without being too dramatic, that this was the most stressful week of our lives.

Yesterday I had a melt-down and cried on and off for hours.  The only thing that soothed me was a song I listened to while I was trying to soothe Mr. Boy. Here are some of the lyrics:

"My Little One" by Jon Thurlow

There's no need to be afraid, 

Daddy's here and its ok,

my love will take the fear away... my little one.

 You can give to me the doubts and fears,

pour out your heart, I'll catch the tears,

I've always been the God who hears... my little one.

You've held it in a long, long time,

 so let it out, it's ok to cry, 

my heart and arms are open wide... my little one.

I'll hold you close and tight to me,

I'll help you through the unbelief,

I said that I would never leave... my little one.

After our appointments yesterday with the experts and the Dr. regarding his throwing up and diarrhea, I felt much more hopeful for the future. We know things will get better and these days of utter helplessness and stress will eventually be filed far away in our memory reservoirs, but right now it seems so insane. Thank you all for praying, I could definitely feel the power of prayer yesterday when I felt like giving up. Sorry there are no accompanying pictures or videos, we haven't had a moment with clear enough minds to take any!